Couples Therapy

Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples

EFT helps partners understand the emotional cycles pulling them apart — and build the secure, loving bond they're longing for. It's one of the most researched and effective approaches to couples therapy available today.

In effective therapy, clients discover in an immediate, alive, and explicit way how their manner of engaging with their emotions shapes their suffering.

— Sue Johnson
What is EFT?

Changing the pattern, not just the conflict

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a short-term, structured approach to couples therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. Grounded in attachment theory, EFT helps couples understand the deeper emotional needs and fears driving their conflict — and learn to reach for each other instead of pulling away or pushing back.

Most couples come in arguing about the dishes, schedules, or sex — but beneath the surface, they're really asking: Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? EFT helps you both hear and answer those questions in ways that actually create connection.

With roughly 75–90% of couples showing significant improvement in research studies, EFT has one of the strongest evidence bases of any couples therapy model.

Attachment Needs

What we're really asking for

Accessibility — Are you available to me when I reach out?

Responsiveness — Do you care about what I'm feeling?

Engagement — Am I important enough to hold your attention?

Safety — Can I be vulnerable with you without being hurt?

The Negative Cycle

Understanding what keeps you stuck

Most couples get caught in a painful, repeating pattern. One partner pursues; the other withdraws. Both feel alone. EFT helps you recognize and step out of this cycle together.

😟

Partner A feels disconnected

Reaches out through criticism or demands — a protest against the distance

→
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Partner B feels attacked

Withdraws or shuts down to avoid conflict — a protective move

→
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Both feel more alone

The cycle intensifies — both partners' deepest fears confirmed

The cycle is the problem — not you, and not your partner. In EFT, we work together to understand what's happening beneath the surface, so you can reach for each other rather than triggering each other.

The EFT Journey

Three stages of transformation

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Stage One

De-escalation

We identify the negative cycle keeping you both stuck and begin to understand the emotions and fears underneath it.

  • Mapping your conflict pattern
  • Identifying underlying emotions
  • Reducing blame and defensiveness
  • Building a shared language
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Stage Two

Restructuring

We help each partner share deeper needs and fears, and help the other respond in new, healing ways.

  • Expressing vulnerable emotions
  • Softening defensive positions
  • Creating "bonding moments"
  • Building new patterns of connection
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Stage Three

Consolidation

We integrate the changes you've made, problem-solve old issues from a new place of security, and prepare for the future.

  • Revisiting old conflicts with new tools
  • Strengthening secure attachment
  • Celebrating growth together
  • Planning for ongoing connection
Is EFT Right for You?

EFT can help couples navigating…

Communication Breakdown

When every conversation turns into an argument, or one of you has gone quiet altogether.

Emotional Distance

Feeling like roommates, disconnected, or like you're living parallel lives under one roof.

Trust & Betrayal

Recovering from an affair, breach of trust, or a wound that hasn't fully healed.

Recurring Conflict

The same argument that cycles back again and again, never fully resolved.

Life Transitions

Becoming parents, career shifts, loss, illness, or other changes straining your bond.

Intimacy & Connection

Longing for emotional or physical closeness that feels out of reach.

Common Questions

You might be wondering…

Does EFT work if only one of us wants to come? +
EFT is most effective when both partners attend together. That said, I encourage you to reach out even if your partner is uncertain — sometimes a brief conversation can help answer concerns and open the door. Individual therapy can also be a powerful starting point.
How long does EFT couples therapy take? +
EFT is considered a short-to-medium term model — typically 8 to 20 sessions, though every couple is different. The pace depends on the complexity of what you're working through and how quickly trust and safety develop in the process.
Can EFT help after an affair? +
Yes. EFT has been shown to be effective in helping couples recover from infidelity, though it requires commitment from both partners and often takes more time. We'll work carefully through the grief, broken trust, and the underlying conditions that contributed to the rupture.
Is EFT available via telehealth? +
Yes, I offer EFT couples therapy both in-person and via secure telehealth. Many couples find virtual sessions surprisingly effective, especially when logistics make in-person attendance difficult.
What if we're considering divorce — is it too late? +
Not necessarily. Many couples arrive feeling at the end of their rope, and EFT has helped couples in that place reconnect in meaningful ways. However, EFT isn't about keeping couples together at all costs — it's about helping you both understand what's happening and make clear, informed choices about your relationship.

Your relationship deserves support.

Reaching out is an act of courage — for you and your partner. Let's talk about how EFT might help.

Schedule a Consultation